Technical Difficulties

Either there's something wrong with my blog hosting service, or I have suddenly turned into a re-re. Either way, I am having big problems - when I try to log in, a bunch of windows open, but eventually I can get to my blog dashboard. Then the real fun starts. I can't post anything with photos because it gives me an error message about my html not being supported. Huh?? Some of my older posts (I'm told) are not linking correctly to the photos. And to make matters worse, I can't leave comments on anyone else's blogs. Just so you all know - I am still reading and laughing, sympathizing, etc. I just can't TELL you. If I didn't know any better, I'd think my hubby was sabotaging my time-waster......

My Worst Nightmare

Ever wonder what would flash through your mind if one of your kids went missing? How 'bout if they BOTH went missing? How 'bout if they BOTH went missing AND took your friend's son along for the adventure? What if you were at the mall when it happened? Well, let me tell you from experience, every episode of America's Most Wanted (also known as "turn in your neighbor"), Dateline, local news reports, everything you've ever heard about Jacob Wetterling and any other missing child swirls around your brain at lightning speed while you try to remain calm while describing what they were wearing, where you last saw them, where they might go - all while trying not to throw up. It's terrifying and awful and when you find your kids, you're not sure if you should hug them and never let go, or yell at them. SO you do both, at the same time. And you THANK GOD they are safe and no weirdo tried to do anything disgusting to them.
So now that you know my kids are okay, I'll give you all the gory details. Friday afternoon we headed over to Ridgedale to see Santa. We met up with my friend and her son who is Annie's age. There was a 1.5 hour wait to see him! We all settled in with snacks to pass the time, but the kids got squirrely, like they tend to do. My husband jokingly told the kids to go for a walk. They all held hands and walked around the Santa house - all within our sight. When they looked like they were going to keep going, he got up to follow behind them. The problem is, he went one direction - they went the other. My friend & I had no idea anything was amiss until he returned WITHOUT the kids. My heart stopped beating - I'm sure of it. I ran off in one direction, hubby in another and left friend waiting to see if the kids found their way back. I made a few quick passes - saw nothing but utter panic and tears in her eyes and I grabbed the 1st security guard I could find. He broadcast their description to the other guards and it became official. They were missing.
5 mall security guards were looking everywhere inside, while the Mtka police manned to exits and parking lot. I lost it when I heard that. Somehow, having the police involved makes it even scarier. It seemed like an eternity before Ted located them looking at the toys in Sears without a care in the world. Seems our 8 year old was testing his independence a bit - leading everyone off into toyland. He still won't admit to doing anything wrong, but he's incredibly embarrassed by the whole thing. My friend's son knew he shouldn't go so far from mom, but also knew he shouldn't leave the group (thank goodness!). My daughter thought she was fine because she was with big brother - yikes! Let's just say we've had some very lengthy discussions about safety again.

Here's your time waster of the day...

Here's a website I learned about from my N. Hudson friend (whose hubby is a sheriff's deputy). It's the public record website for the MN court system. Yes friends, you too can be a Gladys Kravitz and spy on all your friends and neighbors (or relatives in some cases!!)! WARNING: this becomes very addicting very quickly. All it takes is getting the dirt on one person you love to hate and you can't stop. DWI's, petty misdemeanors, financial judgements - no skeletons in the closet are safe here. You're welcome.

I'm so bad at vomit.

Oh, I SO hate it when one of the kids wakes me (why never Dad?)up in the middle of the night to inform me that they've hurled, vomited, puked, up-chucked, barfed....you get the picture. Last night, about a mere hour into my REM sleep, I was greeted with the tell-tale "my tummy hurts" by my oldest. I hustled him back to his room, grabbing a bucket on the way, and proceeded to spend the rest of the night holding it for him, emptying it out, rubbing his back, all the while trying not to lose it myself. You see, I am a sympathy puker. Yep. Throw up in front of me and I will inevitably join in. It's why I don't have any friends who are bulimic (well, not really - I like my friends to be crazy in other ways).

A funny story from the past: my roommate & I give a very cute, very intoxicated guy a ride home from a party. She's driving her brand-new car and thinking she's so cool & this guy is going to fall in love with her (or at least remember her in the morning). Suddenly, he starts retching in the backseat. I roll down my window and throw up out the window at 50 mph. Not a good idea since I was wearing my cute new eyeglasses (right about the time glasses became an accessory, not just a necessity). You guessed it - my glasses flew off my face along with my dinner. Never to be seen again.

I'm proud to say that when one of my off-spring needs me to buck up and hold the bucket, I am able to do it. I didn't breathe out of my nose, but I didn't puke either!

What a weekend, and NO you may not see the photos.

Well. Saturday and Sunday were so very fun. So, so very fun. I wish I could share some photos with you, but I think the subjects of the photos might disown me. Instead, I'll tell you all about the 2nd annual "Ladies Luncheon weekend."
The Ladies Luncheon was always a not-so looked forward to tradition in my friends' (yes, there are 2 of them, and yes they are related) family. All the ladies in the family would gather for lunch one Saturday in December and gab, eat, exchange a gift (the only good ones were the ones my 2 friends brought), but NO cocktails were involved. After my friends mom passed away, she felt the need to become the organizer and spent a lot of time and effort trying to get her dysFUNctional family together to carry on this tradition. Despite her best intentions, it dwindled away (and Really, is that such a bad thing?).
Enter the New and Improved Ladies Luncheon: My 2 friends (also known as my "peeps") and I (an honorary family member) gather for a weekend of shopping, eating, drinking, laughing, drinking, hanging with the locals in local bars, and generally cuttin' loose. As far as I'm concerned, this is a much more fun tradition.
This year we ventured to Albertville and stayed at the lovely Country Inn & Suites (the ONLY hotel in town - but it was clean!) and hung out at some places downtown. I can't remember the name of the 1st place we patronized ($5 all you can drink tap beer), but we wandered down the block a bit and dined at "the 152". The owner, "Debbie" was so awesome! While it was only about 7:30pm, she was closing down the kitchen for the night because the local snowmobile club was taking over with a fundraiser that included sloppy joes (I KNOW!). She very graciously fired up her fryers to serve us up some good, greasy bar food. She even threw in a free order of deep fried green beans (they're awesome!) because she was hungry for them. Then she kept popping back to our table to snack with us. She was hilarious! The food was great (but they do need to get some homemade sauces/dips cookin') so if you're ever at the outlet mall in Albertville, stop in to the 152 and say hi to Debbie for us.
Well, it was 9:30pm before we knew it. I was just getting ready to ramp up the fun but the other girls (one in particular) were a little over-served, so back to the hotel we went. I was in the bathroom for maybe 5 minutes (I was washing off my make-up!) and when I came out, one friend was sleeping already! And the other was "sleeping" too. If you can call laying face down in the middle of the bed with your pants half off and your long undies showing "sleeping."
And now you understand why I can't share any photos with you, as desperately as I want to! I love my peeps more and want to be able to continue this annual tradition.

Cookies!!

I hosted the annual cookie exchange for my family last weekend. Annie (she's got style! LOVE the leopard print leggings, heart socks, and velvet dress!) and I baked 13 dozen dipped ginger cookies on Saturday - whew! Sunday afternoon the ladies all converged at my house to trade cookies. There were 12 different kinds of yummy cookies to share! I know it's hard to believe, but my cookies are all in the freezer waiting for Christmas - I didn't eat them all!

Happy Turkey Day (or what the hell is wrong with me??)

Okay. I am supposed to be to mom & dad's in 45 minutes with mashed potatoes, buns, and pumpkin pie. The potatoes are boiling, the pie is made (whew), and the buns are baking. I haven't showered, don't know what I'm going to wear (does anyone really care though?), and now my mom will know the real reason why I was late - oops! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am so thankful for family, friends, and everyone's good health. Gotta run - the buns are burning....

The WI Tiling Project

It's not as exciting or funny as I thought it might be, but here it is. We all trekked to N. Hudson last weekend to help our pal complete her tiling project. It started out as a small project, like they do, but it snowballed. She ended up pulling out her bottom cabinets, appliances - everything. Yikes! We rolled up our sleeves and dug right in. Here is a before photo. Some shots of the hard-working crew and what the kids were doing while we worked. At the end of the day, we had a beautiful finished product (that's the worker's loverly wife holding some ibuprofen for his sore knees) and a really happy friend. Then we got down to what we really drove all the way over there for. And what became of the hardwood flooring that she ripped out? Well, it's currently stacked in my garage waiting to be installed in the basement to replace the gross carpet. Win-win.

Sorry, I'm empty!

This comic pretty much sums it all up. I got nothin' today. I'm brain dead from going to Costco and Cub (I HATE the Cub in St. Louis Park!), and stuffing folders at school with 2 dim-wit parents (I'm actually being kinda nice here), and unloading a gajillion pounds of cookie dough for the school fundraiser. I think I'll take a tiny nappy and get back to you tomorrow.

Oh! And I'm sure I'll have a great post after this weekend. We're going to caravan to Hudson to help a friend tile her kitchen, dining room, and entry way. And by "we" I mean me, my husband, our 2 kids, another pal & her husband and their 2 kids. By my count, that's 6 adults and 6 kids "helping" with the tiling. This should be good......

I hope everyone has family and friends as funny as this!

So I turned 40 at the beginning of October and I threw myself a really fun party. The t-shirts some of the guests wore (snarky, smarmy and plain old funny) were my absolute favorite! Who knew I had such creative friends/family? My brother & his wife made shirts with some very flattering photos of me on them (sorry, no photos - I wasn't in charge that night & the people who were supposed to be were um .... hammered). Two of my friends made t-shirts with this gorgeous photo of me on the front and 10 reasons why they love me - my favorite was "she's always the happiest at happy hour."


I will have to say that my favorite shirt was the one my 80 something year old grandma was wearing. Now to make it funny, you have to know that my grandma is a bit of a diva. She once owned over 80 pairs of very awesome high heels (even orange). She HATES the f-word. She recently had to start using a walker because of a bit of a balance problem and she HATES it. Her shirt said "It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's freakin' hilarious." That's funny.


My mom made me an amazing (tasting & looking) cake. It had edible photos of me on it, which made for a lot of off-color jokes (use your imagination here).


I did jello shots (made by my lovely sister in law) with my other 80ish grandma. And that pretty yellow vest I'm wearing in the previous photo? It's a Knights of Columbus fundraising vest that says "help mentally handicapped citizens." Don't ask me where my friend got it because I'm a little afraid she assaulted an old man and stole it right off his back!


I got loads of really funny gifts too. I'll have to say that my parents got very creative with this one. Don't recognize it? It's the money tree that my dad always referred to when we were growing up if we asked for anything that cost money. As in, "Hey dad, can I have some gas money?" "Sure honey, I'll just run right out into the backyard and pick it off the money tree." My parents are kinda sarcastic that way! What an awesomely funny gift! I was also the lucky recipient of a black velvet painting of Michael Jackson (pre-plastic surgery).


And - did you know that you can order M&Ms with a photo on them?? One of my aunts ordered me pink & purple M&Ms with a really flattering photo of me on them from many, many years ago (yikes!). Cool!


My undies were hung on the ceiling fan in my bedroom (even the granny ones - thanks!), there was a black velvet clown painting in the bathroom AND a clown head in my bed when I finally hit the pillow. What a great night...

People actually read what I write??

Well. Who'd have thought? I've been writing this Blog to get all my thoughts out of my head (kinda like my old journals) and also because I get the impression that the loved ones in my life don't particularly appreciate my commentary about all this monotony (who needs to be reminded about it?). So the Blog began as something for me. Turns out other people read it too. How cool is that? I logged on this morning to discover that I won a blogging award! One of my favorite bloggers - the one and only 34b cup nominated yours truly for the Superior Scribbler Award! Very cool - thank you B cup! It's kind of a "pay it forward" kind of award. Once you receive it, you have to nominate 5 other Blogs that you love to read. So here are my picks for the Superior Scribbler Award (now I have to 'fess up to reading them, I usually just like to lurk out there in cyberspace - oh well!)hopefully this chain of awesomeness won't be broken by any of my picks!

1. Losing My Mind - written by a smart-alec mom of 4 adopted kids (I feel like I need to tell you they're adopted because one has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and I wouldn't want you to think that the author would drink while incubating!!) This blog makes me thank God every day for my 2 healthy (but sometimes challenging nonetheless) kids.

2. matt, liz and madeline I learned about this one in my local newspaper several months ago. Start at the beginning in his archives, settle in with a box of tissues and read from start to finish. It's an amazing story about a new dad who, through heartbreaking circumstances, finds himself a single parent to his premature daughter. Did I mention it's amazing? It is.

3. The Big Picture written by the daughter of one of my mom's cousins (does that make me her 2nd or 3rd cousin? - that's beside the point). Another heartbreaking blog about loss. This time the loss of a child in an awful household accident. My warning to everyone here is that the author is not shy about sharing her Faith (if that kind of thing turns you off).

Wow! I'm really sorry for being Debbie Downer here, but they really are great blogs to read and I guess reading each one makes me appreciate my family, however nutty a day I happen to be having or how pissed off I am at my husband. They're here and healthy - quit bitching (directed at myself, of course)!

All right - let's lighten the mood a bit here, shall we??

4. Cake Wrecks a guilty pleasure - it's hilarious. I really know nothing else about it other than it's about good cakes gone bad - decorating that is. Funny stuff. My favorite is the Happy Birthday Death & Libby cake (was supposed to be 'Beth & Libby' - oops!

5. The Hussy Housewife an oh-so funny mom in Idaho blogging about the mundane with a TON of humor. Her blog says "my Suburban can run over your mini-van... and it will. " While I do drive a mini-van (get off my back!) I didn't take offense because I tend to drive like a bat out of hell (plus - she lives in Idaho - nowhere near my 'burb).

and to every good - there are rules to follow...

1. Post the award on your blog

2. Link me for giving it to you

3. Link the originating post here

4. Pass the award on to 5 more deserving people

5. Post these rules for your recipients

So again, THANK YOU B Cup! You made my day. Everyone else - check out the above blogs - you're not really working anyway, are you??

Ewwww!!!!!!

It was bound to happen and frankly, I'm surprised it took until my oldest was in third grade before it did. I was emptying his backpack on Wednesday and there was a note from the school nurse explaining that someone in his class has HEAD LICE!!! Gross. I know it has nothing to do with cleanliness or hygiene blah, blah, blah. It's still so gross. My head immediately started to itch. I looked both kids over thoroughly (trust me!!). Nothing, thank goodness! I explained (again) the importance of NEVER putting anything on or near your head that does not belong to you. Don't share brushes, scarves, hats, pillows... put your sweatshirt in your backpack - don't hang it on the hook next to everyone else's jackets that are teaming with lice. You get the picture. Mom's a little OCD about some things. This is definitely one of them!

What a Fine Day to be Proud of Myself

2 breakfasts made & eaten- check
2 lunches made & packed - check
2 kids dressed, brushed and ready for school - check
2 backpacks stuffed with all the necesseties - check
3 snacks packed (2 for the hypoglycemic kid) - check
vitamins and antibiotics (strep)taken - check
1 kid to the bus on time - check
1 kid driven to school on time - check
Sweatshirt to school for kid who tried to dodge it - check
Vote - check

Return home, take one look at the gross carpet in my basement and decide that I cannot take it for one more millisecond. So I called Floors of Distinction and they are sending someone out to measure for new flooring today at 11:30 so.....

1.5 hours to:
pick up all the clutter (kids' stuff mostly!) and put it where it belongs - check
vacuum (not supposed to do this yet) - check
dust - check
clean the kitchen - check
do the dishes - check
throw in a load of laundry - check
clean the basement bathroom - check

All before 11:30 am. Just call me super-mom (or nuts). I'm going to take a nap now!

Leaves EVERYWHERE!

I love Fall, just not in my house. The kids & the husband have spent the last many days raking up huge piles of leaves in the yard (to jump in, not bag up). I have to say this is always one of my favorite things to do too (jump in leaves, not rake them). So what's the problem? There are leaves ALL over the house that have been tracked in on socks, in hair... you get the picture. Normally I would not obsess about this because, while I like to think my house is basically clean, it's not Martha Stewart clean and I can take a little mess. When the mess gets to the point that I can't take it anymore, I would normally just clean it up but it's bugging me right now because I can't vacuum and I have to rely on my husband to take care of it. Stop laughing, really. He's a really good guy, just not very intuitive. So I asked him to vacuum last WEDNESDAY. Finally, yesterday I got really bitchy and TOLD him to vacuum. He did - one hour before we had 3 adults and 7 kids over for an outdoor dinner/bonfire. I'm guessing you can figure out what the house looks like today for yourself. Except it's actually worse now. I found leaves in all 3 bathroom sinks, in the kid's rooms, in my room, EVERYWHERE. The best part about it is that HE's gone hunting today and I get to sit in the house and look at the leaves everywhere. Or maybe not - maybe I'll go out all day just so I can stop obsessing!

Gee, thanks for your help.

So. Can I remind you that I had a hysterectomy FIVE days ago? Granted, it was laparoscopic, but still - an organ was removed. That being said, I drove for the first time yesterday - my 8 year old & I hopped into the mini-van for a quick Target run. He was with to "help" me. I asked him to grab a 12 pack of diet coke and put it in the cart. "No problem, mom." I asked him to grab 2 boxes of juice boxes for the class Halloween party. I was expecting "no problem, mom." What I got was "Let me get this right. You brought me with to be your slave? How much more of this am I going to have to do?" Are you kidding me? if I remember correctly, I asked him to put TWO things in the cart - and it's not exactly like they were large or incredibly heavy items either. I tried not to laugh (or scream!) and calmly reminded him that I had had surgery just a few days before and that it was still a little difficult to bend and that I was not supposed to lift anything. He looked at me like I had 3 heads and said, "Oh yeah. I forgot about that." Gee. Thanks for your help. I have to sign off now to do the dishes, some laundry, and get dinner in the crockpot. So much for my "rest."

1st Post! - Yippeee!

SO - my first post. I hope it's good for you.
Today is Monday. I had a hysterectomy last Thursday and am supposed to be "resting." Apparently resting in this house means one kid home with strep, one kid home with "sympathy" strep (she didn't want to miss out on anything!), and non-stop chatter. I'm laying here trying to tune out the Avatar cartoons on tv and I'm getting a continuous monologue from both kids. Aaaahh ... it's so peaceful here - pass the percocet.